Thursday, December 4, 2008

I am Worthfull

I amWorthfull
I am Worthfull
I am Worthfull

This is my new affirmation.

Somewhere along the way I have come to believe I am not worth much.
I don't see my role right now as valuable.
I think I need to go out to work and make money.
Or make something of myself.

I am a "pleaser" and in doing so, I don't pay attention to my own needs.
I focus on the other person. On my partner.
And then blame them when I am unhappy.

I now recognize this pattern. It's been with me since I was a little girl.
My older brothers would fight and my parents would get mad.
I never wanted to feel that anger directed at me (no we're not talking abuse). So I did everything in my power to be good.

Even at school - I was the good one. Always. And it broke my spirit.
I tried to be like everyone else. I wanted to be like everyone else.
Who was I anyway? To let my true self out was to risk being disliked. To risk making a mistake by saying or doing the "wrong" thing.
And I can see that I still do that.

But now I have a plan.
This blog was the first step.
To be myself. To let my inner self out.
To untie the threads, the spider's web, the ropes that bind at a time.
Baby steps.


Grammy said...

Hi Wendy
You should read some of Author: Lynn V. Andrews
This was the first book I read of hers
Title: The WOMAN Of WYRRD. The Arousal of the Inner Fire.
I got it at the library. Now I own most of her books. I can open one and in 1 day or so I have read the complete book. I just can not put them down.
Title: Windhorse Woman: A Marriage of Spirit. Was another favorite.
She paints a picture with words and takes you on her journeys. You have a gift with words like she dose.

Wendy said...

Thank you Grammy. You really are a kindred spirit. I will look for her books. Was she the one who wrote "flowers in the attic?" I'll go to the library and check them out. I do love to read a good book.

Grammy said...

No V.C. Andrews wrote that.
Look at amazon she wrote . I found a number of them there for .01 to .99 c

The Woman of Wyrrd

Windhorse Woman: A Marriage of Spirit

The Mask of Power: Discovering Your Sacred Self

Woman at the Edge of Two Worlds

(Love and Power: Awakening to Mastery

Writing Spirit

Walk in Balance: Meditations

I don't remember if I these 3 . Or I have not got to read it yet.)

Jaguar Woman

Shakkai: Women of the Sacred Garden
Dark Sister: A Sorcerer's Love Story

The Medicine Woman
Teachings Around the Sacred Wheel: Finding the Soul of the Dream time

Spirit Woman: The Teachings of the Shields

Star Woman: We Are Made from Stars and to the Stars We Must Return

Flight of the Seventh Moon: The Teachings of the Shields

(Walk in Spirit: Prayers for the Seasons of Life
I did not like this one either.)
Crystal Woman: Sisters of the Dreamtime-

(The Love and Power Journal
This one was a waste of money it was mostly empty for you to write in.)
I think I bought 100 or more books this year.
I bought all of William D. Backus books and Norman Vincent Peale,These both are positive energy writers.
They also add religion into there words. but I was in need of energy.
I also ordered garden books of course.

Q said...

Dear Wendy,
It is an honor to walk this path with you.
Expressing the inner Wendy is exciting.
Love and light,

Wendy said...

Hi Grammy - thank you. Those titles look familiar. I think I have read some of her books, but will look anyway. I also like Ted Andrews. He writes about animal spirits, faery spirits and unicorns. Mostly from the Native American perspective.

Wendy said...

Hi Sherry,
Thank you so much for walking this path with me. I am in transition and will be there for the rest of this year.
In Janary or when the energy feels right, I intend to focus more on this blog and less on the caregiving one, until I have no more need for the caregiving one.
Love & Light